And I will always Love you

Although I didn't follow Whitney Houston's career, I was forever enchanted by the film
 she co-started in with Kevin Costner "The Body Guard" 1992 and it's theme song.

Her untimely death this past week stirred bittersweet memories in my heart...

The films timing in 92 couldn't have been more appropriate for the closing of another important chapter in my life.
Breaking up is hard to do but honestly, I believed I would loose my mind.
This song I had dedicated to my first True (Gay)Love. A very special person. 

They say you never forget your first; I concur, you never ever do!
He will always have his special place in my heart.

If I should stay I would only be in your way

So I'll go But I know

I'll think of you every step of the way

I will always love you

you, you, my darling you
Bitter sweet memories

That is all I'm taking with me

So Goodbye, please don't cry

We both know I'm not what you

you need
I will always love you

I hope life treats you kind

And I hope you have all you dreamed of

and I wish to you joy & happiness

But above all this I wish you love

I will always love you
you darling I love you

Oh I will always love you

This song couldn't be truer to life to expressing my sentiments at the end of our relationship.
The man was clearly out of my league and you have to know when to let go.
Like an eagle he soars to new heights regularly,

living his dreams and above all  in Love.

You will always be the special one, I will always love you.

Whitney thank you for your voice and your singing of this song, R.I.P.

Broke Back Mountain10 years already!

"No one's gonna love you like me"

Already ten  years and no talk of a sequal. Not sure if it's in respect to Heath Ledgers' memory. Then againt in retrospect how could a sequal do justice to this incredible story? Take up where they left off? Twist the ending into a dream state or misunderstanding.

Reading the reviews it has gotten, it's strange that they have not considered it. If I read correctly it hit the $100,000,000. mark and is still rising.

Hollywood has cast Gays and Lesbians in films before with a sometimes comical or mocking tone(what the public expects of whom and what they think we are). Alot of the time we are in the background of the story; but as far as I know never as the central charachters to a Gay male Love story. (I might be misinformed.)

A truly heart wrenching story! Had been putting off seeing it till it came out on video and lucky I did! I watched it alone at home and went through an entire box of facial tissues. The finaly when Heath called Anne and learnt of Jakes fate, I let out a wail of Nooooo! Till this day my eyes well up with tears just thinking about it. I really cannot deal with violence and I guess I had my heart set on a happy ending, not this tragidy so close to possible reality.(Actually a simularly tragic murder happened to a Gay teenage boy years ago in Alberta I believe)

I will have to look up the authors name and see if she has written any other Gay oriented material. Being so satutrated with daily Hetero stories it is very refreshing to see my own world in print or DVD.

Hats off to the original story's writter and the producer for doing such an excellent job. The 3 prime actors Jake(My sweetheart), Heath(R.I.P.) and Anne were incredibly true in their portrayal of their charachters.

A must see for most. I am plannning to see it again and would love to have my own copy. A keepsake timeless love story.

Say it, Go ahead, Say it...

Homo,Queer, Faggot, Queen, Flame,Tapette, Twinkies, Pedo, Lesbo, Dyke, Butch, Lipstick Lesbian....


Only a few names we've been called but for many of us they don't hurt anymore. They did back in the day we barely knew what they meant. "Faggot" was the one that would be my name for most of my school life. It was as if only the teachers seemed to remember my name. In the beginning all I understood was that it meant they didn't like me and I didn't know why. Looked up Faggot in the dictionary only to find that it was a cigarette!? Or a bundle of twiggs. Somehow later I realized they meant that they presumed I was Gay. Where did they learn this word? It wasn't part of our spelling Bs or our readers. Similar to "Natural selection", I was part of "Natural rejection"!? It's learned from parents, that's where; clueless parents as to the long term damage it might do to some young psychologies. But nowadays we use some of those names to our advantage; Queer, now very commonly used without any bad stigmas. I even heard a review called playfully "Lesbo-Monde".(Lesbian World). Homosexual is now a word I embrace, it is who I am and I am proud. It has lost it's "you are a sicko" label momentum over time. Another take on Lesbianism is the L word(Televised series) although I am not familiar with too many derogatory comments made to my Lesbian sisters of the community I'm sure they have had more than their share!

It must be mentioned that public figures using "Twitter" should re-read their foul comments before pushing send. There are so many derogatory comments being spewed out lately without thinking and when our community(GLBT) cries foul we're told we are being babies, exaggerating and that we should get over ourselves! With that in mind I believe it would be appropriate to know how these "Bigots" would feel if I called them "Breeders", "Bread Baby making machines",certain straight Men using their "dumb sticks" to think with. And still other names that concern different nationalities(Often called ethnics). Have you ever seen a GLBT in any "arranged marriage"- I think not but some still think we are the freaks of society...

Going still lower, below the belt possibly; Men in dresses in our community are Drag Queens(For comedy), Trans Genders(A start to a new identity or life) but when Heterosexuals put on the gowns, we call them Clergy or Cross dressers.

Recently on a Gay Blog I was treated by Homophobes to being called an "F"'ing Faggot and other stuff I rather not repeat. There is a major part of the "Standard" Hetero world that is oblivious to this and sometimes wonder why we are always up in arms. Like I said earlier it's like water on a duck's back with me now but it does bring back the painful memories. Been  told by close friends not to bother with them or the site in question...So what just walk away or turn the other cheek? Let them condescend those that won't talk back, replying is giving them power? No, sorry, won't happen! At this point in my life I'm starting to feel like a Gay-Bully going after the Homophobe-Bullies. Maybe I'm waisting my time, but I sure feel good that I did something instead of sitting back. I contact these haters personally on their pages and try to keep it on the level just above theirs so that they can possibly understand what I'm saying. Hopefully explaining away their naive ideas on us.

This is just this "Faggots" Opinion.

Embracing who I am.

Born Gay and my path to embracing it.

I've been lucky enough if I can call it that to have had emersion in two very different yet paralell worlds, Hetero and Homo. Being born Gay and being misguided for years I took the road most traveled.

Married my high school sweetheart(Female Best friend) two years after graduating from high school hell. She became my friend in the last two years of school. Graduating was the end of a school era of constant torture; First grade through the 11th grade I was berated daily, humiliated constantly often beaten up after school, always felt so hated and alone. The information we have available everywhere today was not there in my day. I couldn't talk to anyone about how I felt and just hoped it was a passing phase and would go away.

She(my spouse) didn't understand how I could be Gay as she said I satisfied her in bed; but she never asked me if I was content with our sex life. Obviously I wasn't, I had a good imagination to get me through but unfortunately for me she had a good sexual appetite. There was no doubt that I loved the woman whom I was convinced was my Best friend, but not the female that was my partner in the boudoir. I did everything to satisfy her and hopefully along the way convince myself that I would eventually like it... I came out to her when our son turned three and she told me I ruined her life. She was twenty five and I twenty four. Within 24 hours of telling my then best (Hetero male) friend, he dropped me like a hot potato. It wasn't long until I found out my wife and parents were discussing my best interests - for me to seek psychological help. I refused to be subjected to what I called brainwashing or forced conversion. The divorce was brutal; she would have her revenge.

You know who or what you are deep inside but people try to put the triangular peg in the square hole. With enough hammering it will go in but it makes it far from being right.

At the age of 7 or 8 years old I saw a Gay character on TV and asked my parents what they would do if I was like him. They responded that they would put me in the army and make a man of me. I had  known whom I was since forever already and understood I had to shut up and not express myself too freely. My mother who was in charge of our family of 3 kids - 2 girls and me the oldest, told me one day that she was going to put me in Hockey. I had a melt down; not only did I loath sports as I was not good at any, I hated Hockey. Thought I was lucky to escape from that until the day I was told that Sat. mornings I would be taking Judo classes to learn how to defend myself and  toughen me up.That new torture lasted over 2 years.

My obsession with men started at a very young age. The first was my 6th grade teacher with his 70's moustache. All he had to do was touch me on the shoulder and all the butterflies of the universe were fluttering in my stomach! I never forgot my end of school year hug, I wouldn't let him go. In Highschool there was another that I wanted to be with so badly. A newspaper customer on my delivery route "Tom Selic - Magnum PI". He came to the door to pay me for the delivery of his newspaper one morning, he was wearing just a towel. The butterflies in my stomach were Elephants  doing summersaults! He saw me staring, I was so hoping he would invite me in or accidently drop his towel. I returned 10 minutes later shaking like a leaf trying to find a reason to see him again - when he answered I mumbled are you a famous baseball player? Can I get your autograph? He said no and shut the door...I went back a 3rd time to say maybe I forgot my hat in his entrance but his wife answered, I was totally crushed.(They cancelled my delivery the next week). I didn't need more proof from Steve, the 6 million dollar man or Michael and his talking car "Kitt". I even hoped one of my gym instructors in highschool would keep me after school in detention just so I could be alone with him.

When I hear of the bullying today and the young suicides my eyes well up with tears. How close, how many times did I want to end my own nightmare. There are two important differences in our generations; then, there was no Internet or Cyber Bullying as it is called. But at the same time I didn't have all the information that is available today letting us know we are just as normal as the next person. Point being in our all boy sex ed. classes we had a visit from two Catholic Nuns that told us things like if we would give a blow job that we would get throat Cancer. The class would roar and throw insults my way as everyone watched me turn red, the teacher in charge would say "calm down boys". It was different times but very similar pain.

I guess the point I'm trying to make to young GLBTs family and friends is to hang in there it will get better! We need to get better information and support out there in the school system. Parents need to embrace what their child was born as and help them with understanding and support.

Gay Rights & Gay Marriage

Where in the world is Waldo? He's on his Honeymoon with Wilfred of coarse!

           Besides religious leaders whom are stuck in their brainwashed ways; why are people so up in arms with us wanting what they already have? It's making me crazy! Equal rights just like equal opportunity why the hell not? Listening to the Naysayers I would say it seems to be fear driven. The unknown is scary. But if you get properly informed, isn't it less scary? Haven't there been enough mistakes in human history for us to stop making them? There was the plight of the African Americans,  there was women's rights and freedoms & now naturally it's the GLBT's.
            We are a long way from being called not normal...and that offensive word should be stricken from the dictionary and possibly replaced with standard. Being born Queer is no longer considered a mental illness. Heteros work, we work, Heteros have family's, well so do we, some have kids, we are just as nurturing parents as anyone if not more so as we know the public eye is on us scrutinizing everything so we may sometimes feel like we have to do more for our kids(It's been documented). Some believe in the institution of marriage others don't, so be it. Let "God" whomever he or she is be the ultimate judge and jury not the F'ing Pope, his worshipers and the others! Get with the program people, it wasn't just man's Greed that started wars it was also man's RELIGION! I'm not saying GLBT's are at war but we have to fight to make things right weather people are tired of hearing about it or not. It has been years in coming.

Pink money:
                    Learned this term a few years back and it is so appropriate! The money a Gay citizen earns, the taxes they pay, where and on what they spend their money, including the Gay tourists that are attracted here and spend their money here is Pink(Gay)Money for argument's sake. See the point here? You spend your money and pay taxes for services but you are not allowed to have the same benefits as the Heteros!
 Natural evolution....
                            I like this definition I heard recently that Homosexuality is natures response to overpopulation. It can be taken in many ways but I prefer to take it lightheartedly and say yep, they are right, there is noway in hell Gays or Lesbians will figure out how to have kids limiting the human production chain....Really, natural evolution? Why bother looking for a pleasing so called scientific title to please the masses. It is a gene period. It's like fixing something that isn't broken...

I often look back at Black history and their struggle for justice and respectfully now there is Martin Luther King day in the states. One day hopefully there will be a National Canadian Gay day honouring all those whom fought their way for us through our history. There are so many people before me that helped pave this "Yellow Brick"road for me and my fellow Gay brothers and Lesbian sisters. More research has to be done by myself on the subject. I would love to work on a project of education for school children that feel different and make them feel that they are OK. The Bullying is harsh and now high tech and it can change how you see the world but it will get better. Not because some politicians feel they did some good making an - "It gets better campaign" - when they have no clue of the gravity of the situation. But because we, the older Gay community have been through somewhat the same thing and managed to get ahead. We have to stick together and believe in ourselves.

To quote "Harvey Milk" 1938-1978

"You gotta give 'em hope!"

My Pretty Gay Boy

             I'm in Love! In Love with a face, a face I don't know.
A face appearing on a page; but what a pretty face!

A Boy; but not just any Boy, a real handsome masculine Boy.

In my mind's eye he is Perfection

 The perfect Lover, Partner, Friend and future Husband.

But he's just a face, a face I don't know

A fantasy character from my perfect Gay fairytale I must write.

My heart races as I look in your face, so much so that I'm loosing pace. 

Seeing you my heart rejoices, that first Embrace, that Hug of Huggs, that first Kiss!

my Fantasy, our Passion my Bliss.

Found you on a "Facebook" page.

 but your age I would wage

would up the stage

you see

there is no We

as love of an unknown face

will be my disgrace.

Angry with Gay Haters...

What to say that has not already been said...

 WHY?

Why is there so much time being waisted in the world over HATE and today's subject GLBT haters.

I want to tell them Bible thumping, Ignorant Biggots, and the rest of the Religious leaders against our persons to get real! Get yourselves a life, Live and Let Live. Where is the LOVE?

Do you remember the Witch burnings way back when in history? Innocent highly intelligent people burned at the stake because they were capable of making bread rise with yeast amongst other things. What do we say to that; Oops, we were wrong. A little late no? Isn't the GLBT movement suffering from similar attacks? Aren't we being persecuted for whom we are? It ain't that bad you might say...I disagree! View the public comments made on Gay Blogging boards. Still think it's not that bad?

Now that my rant has some momentum; Bullying of young GLBTs in schools. Probably been going on since the beginning of time but the question is will it go on till the end of time? No, it cannot! It is enough. I know what it is as I suffered through the Bullying for 11 years of public schooling; now it is very different, Bullying on the Net, Texts on hand held devices etc. In my day we had the hate and Bullying but it ended when we were safe at home behind a closed door.

It's almost as if we are aliens that were born on the wrong planet! The Pope says we are a threat to humanity; the only threat I can see is the hatred he is enticing in his comments creating acts of violence verbal and otherwise.

We keep saying it gets better. We have to make it better!

Gay Superheroes is what we need. Not the ones with the big bulges in their pants or perfect costumes(Wonder woman); Superheroes that will stand up and talk, walk the walk. Go to schools and show that GBLT is OK.

Once we have that under control the next step would be introducing Gay history in the school curriculum. Queerness has been around since the beginning of time. Animals have even showed it occurs amongst them too.

Lets face it, We are Queer, We are here, Get used to it!

We ain't going anywhere!