Dear Gay confused 15 year old me...

Alan, The year is 2012

I am writing you from your future self (Some 34 years from now). I just wanted to tell you, I know I have a strange way of showing it but I do love you. Your journey so far has been complicated to say the least. The bullying is almost over. That girl you like as a friend, she will play an important role in your last two years of high school hell and more. She will soon introduce you to the next level of your role, Hetero sex. As scary as it sounds and as an unwilling player you wanna be, you will do fine. This new complication will at least give you some relief from the daily torcher you are enduring as word will get out and the Bullies will be confused. It will somewhat throw them off your trail. I have so much to tell you but so much you must learn on your own as it will make you who I am today; And I hope you would not want to change me if we were to meet. If I could have been there with the knowledge I have now, Wow...

You are right, you are Gay. That is what they meant all those years they called you a faggot and the dictionary said it was a cigarette or bundle of sticks?! It isn't some temporary puberty thing that doesn't want to wear off. It will never go away but you will one day embrace it. Wanna hug you and say it will be OK. I know you think you are all alone in this world and you are an actor playing the role of your life.

My eyes are full of tears now as I watched you perform, I know it is killing you. I would give you a well deserved trophy for doing what you felt was best. You gave the world at that time what you felt they expected of you. You did it alone feeling like you had a cancer(Gayness) inside of you, rotting away your insides. Not being able to share it with anyone. Oh, by the way, Those Catholic nun's that came to talk to your all boy Ethics class had no clue what they were saying. You will not get throat cancer. Don't waist your time hating those boys that pointed and smirked, "you hear that Hazek" as the nuns turned their attention to your face turning crimson.

It's 1978, so you won't hear of "Gay Straight Alliances" as they won't be invented in time for you. I know there seems like there is nothing but negative information circulating about Homosexuality. You will find some good ones, the times are changing slowly. You will finally find out that the boy in elementary school you felt a connection to, Adam C, the one that had committed suicide over the summer before starting high school was probably actually Gay, a fag as they said. If only you two formed a stronger bond...But "only's" just stay on the floor to be swept away.

I don't know how you persevered. But am glad you did. You re in for a wicked ride.

You will marry that girl from high school hell, have a son, get divorced and don't panic, be a Grandfather in your 49th year. Your son, he will drift away in time for his own reasons but console yourself that you will again have done your very best. He may not handle the Homosexual angle too well.

Great people will come into your life.You will have some incredible lovers and fabulous sex but all in due time.

In other words, thank you, you'll do OK.

There will come a day when Gay(Fag as you know it) will be OK!

It will also be known as Queerness.

Much Luv, your future self.