Old and Lonely ... Or am I?
My "Gay World" as parallel as it seems to be to that of its counterpart "Hetero World" is different in so many ways.
It seems or so I have noticed, in the Hetero world, the males seem to have a biased advantage over us. Age for one; They seem to stay attractive to women late into their twilight years. Yet in the Gay World after 30 years of age you become past dated by most standards. Hetero men can be style challenged and clueless to color co-ordination but their female partners(Or Gay stylists) are happy to step up to the challenge of creating their perfect "Ken". I may not have the so called "Gay savvy" gene but I do get by to the best of my ability with what I have to work with. But looking at allot of the younger crowd of Gays or Queers as they prefer to be called, I am really out of touch.{I am not talking about the "Bear" crowd, but more of "the pretty boys" as we sometimes call them.}(Personally Partial to Pretty, Hairy Masculine Bear types - a combo of both Gay sub cultures).
Recently I read an article about one of the oldest Gay couples that we seemed to know of. Apparently they were together something like 60 years or so. They were in the news as one passed away in his late 90's and his partner(Late 80's) followed suit within days. Speculation was he could not go on without his love of his lifetime. It left me teary eyed yet happy that it showed us in a positive light. That being Gay we are not just a bunch of Man whores or Bimbo's but can be loving devoted partners.
Made me think of my present state of affairs...Single, soon to be 49 in the year 2012, over the hill by Gay standards but self questioning - Am I lonely? I tell myself if you have to ask yourself you probably aren't. I mean I have my 2 dogs that need me and 2 cats(although rather independent still need me to feed and see to their litter needs).
Being my own contradiction is a daunting task! One month I'll be joining a Gay dating website and as soon as I get a few "Winks","Grrr's" or "Woofs" as they call them, I panic and ask myself "What the hell are you doing? Haven't your last relationships that were supposed to last a lifetime hurtful enough?" At least I am not leading anybody on but myself. Maybe psychologically speaking I'm just testing the waters; doing a sort of personal evaluation/rating of myself at this point in time of my life. Now to add the point in fact that once you reach a certain age you slowly get stuck in your ways. Having a partner to share life with would mean getting used to different challenges, presumably mostly good, but - challenges none the less.
So where does this leave me...
Still gonna be 49, still single, only as old as I feel and busy enough not to feel the urge to partner-up anytime soon, or so I have myself convinced at this moment in time.
Let the Hetero world with their ageless males lay claim to endless scores of female affection. I've got my babies(Pets), my memories of Lovers long gone and my knitting...
Knit one, pearl two, Knit one pearl two, Knit one, pearl two...
A lonely old man, I think not...Frustrated, maybe, NOT!
(Or at least that is what my ego claims)
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